Woah! First few week of school and already so much is happening! I can barely grab a hold of my life.
Went to my very first Speech & Debate tournament this Saturday. It was a very interesting experience and good practice for my speaking skill. Fun time but also meaning wasted half of my weekend.
History outline don't stop, do they? One after another, trying to suck in every little bit of energy left in me. I am still not adopted to having outline due on Tuesday...why not Friday??! Life would be lot easier!
AP Physic...I have no word for you...I don't know why I didn't put you first on my list to study, I don't worry about the science that much...either because I have lot of other stuff to worry about or because the teacher is not making me care. I felt like not learning much in class, but requires my own time outside class to study which I have none to offer. I didn't even study for the unit test, which is unlike me! I became a procrastinator! I am so lucky I still have an A in the class.
Math...Such simple concepts of algebra, and I failed...I prided myself of my math skills and my logical senses, but this chapter P (P=preview) defeated me...I got the only 2nd B on my math test. Need to dig deep and understand the concepts.
English, PE, Chinese...I will might still live...if not for the club I am trying to start!!! Why did I brought this upon me??! So much stress, effort, work on my side and created nothing! NOTHING but CONFLICT! Because my lack of experience in leadership, I made mistakes one after another, making matter bad to worse. I gotta need to work on it...I felt so helplessly founding and running the club, while others have no problem at all. WhYYYY?!
If all these are not enough, I still brought a student member application for state board of education...Who am I to kidding that I will make it to the final round? WHO? Why? So much effort and thinking and help I am needing and the time I can't afford. I worry those just as much as my club which I should place behind my academic life!
I still have other stuff and goals I want to reach: tennis practice, be more proficient in coding, study the SAT, start my science research, read books, watch news, reorganize my room, and the list goes on and on...
Since I have chosen the Busy Avenue to ride on, then I will try my best to make the experience enjoyable. I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, close and reopen my eyes, and march it forward with all the passion, energy, and optimism I can master to breath, to live, to achieve~
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
This is Only the Beginning
It was a long four days for me, the first week of school.
I guess my mind was not ready to move on from last school year and the summer. Sophomore year was challenging but I have expected it when I signed up for the classes. Junior year is overwhelming, I have lost myself in my confidence, pride, and ego.
Perhaps it is true junior year is the hardest, most important year of high school...I can feel this is my chance to shine or to rot...the ultimately choice is mine...
I have not foreseen the burden of responsibility I have signed up for, let it be vice president position I signed up for, let it be my own club I want to create, let it be the three AP classes...
Perhaps it is finding someone better than me, someone who I want to become, someone who is the better version of myself in my classes that defeated me. I know there are millions of other people smarter than me, but they all have different backgrounds and I respect their achievements. But this new girl, this new transfer student, have almost the exact same background as me, she is like another me, but better.
I felt beaten, I can see my failures through her and I am being reminded of them constantly by her presence. Her achievements, intelligence, diligence, friendliness, and boldness are what I could have, if I had only worked harder and not be afraid of speaking in class and make a fool out of myself. It is like living with the dream version of myself in reality...I am jealous of her qualities and mad at myself for not being her, for not pushing myself to go the extra miles in the past.
I always want to be the best. My math and science teachers from middle school like me. Freshmen year, my biology teacher wrote in my yearbook, that I am one of the best students she ever had. I thought it would my math teacher who could have said that, but no, it was the strictest teacher I had. Last year, I tried hard to make my chemistry teacher like me. He did, but I wasn't the best. I know it, but still, I was disappointed. It turned out it was my history teacher who said I was his best student of the year. Again, it was a pleasant and moving surprise.
Teachers liked me because they saw me as the smart yet hardworking student. This year I hope my teachers will like me, especially I need their recommendations for college application next year. I want to be someone's best student again. I am still stuck in the momentum of me being the best. I need to start fresh again and try not to impress anyone. Let teachers see me as me. I don't need to be the best from my junior class. There are already two teachers who believe in me. And that is more than I can ask for.
Don't be jealous of others. Just be the best version of myself. There will always be someone better and smarter than me like the transfer student, but there will always be someone who can see that I tried my best too like my previous teachers.
Junior year, I don't need my current history, physic, math, and English teachers to think that I am the best of the class. I am not. I am just the best of who I can be. And this, is only the beginning.
I guess my mind was not ready to move on from last school year and the summer. Sophomore year was challenging but I have expected it when I signed up for the classes. Junior year is overwhelming, I have lost myself in my confidence, pride, and ego.
Perhaps it is true junior year is the hardest, most important year of high school...I can feel this is my chance to shine or to rot...the ultimately choice is mine...
I have not foreseen the burden of responsibility I have signed up for, let it be vice president position I signed up for, let it be my own club I want to create, let it be the three AP classes...
Perhaps it is finding someone better than me, someone who I want to become, someone who is the better version of myself in my classes that defeated me. I know there are millions of other people smarter than me, but they all have different backgrounds and I respect their achievements. But this new girl, this new transfer student, have almost the exact same background as me, she is like another me, but better.
I felt beaten, I can see my failures through her and I am being reminded of them constantly by her presence. Her achievements, intelligence, diligence, friendliness, and boldness are what I could have, if I had only worked harder and not be afraid of speaking in class and make a fool out of myself. It is like living with the dream version of myself in reality...I am jealous of her qualities and mad at myself for not being her, for not pushing myself to go the extra miles in the past.
I always want to be the best. My math and science teachers from middle school like me. Freshmen year, my biology teacher wrote in my yearbook, that I am one of the best students she ever had. I thought it would my math teacher who could have said that, but no, it was the strictest teacher I had. Last year, I tried hard to make my chemistry teacher like me. He did, but I wasn't the best. I know it, but still, I was disappointed. It turned out it was my history teacher who said I was his best student of the year. Again, it was a pleasant and moving surprise.
Teachers liked me because they saw me as the smart yet hardworking student. This year I hope my teachers will like me, especially I need their recommendations for college application next year. I want to be someone's best student again. I am still stuck in the momentum of me being the best. I need to start fresh again and try not to impress anyone. Let teachers see me as me. I don't need to be the best from my junior class. There are already two teachers who believe in me. And that is more than I can ask for.
Don't be jealous of others. Just be the best version of myself. There will always be someone better and smarter than me like the transfer student, but there will always be someone who can see that I tried my best too like my previous teachers.
Junior year, I don't need my current history, physic, math, and English teachers to think that I am the best of the class. I am not. I am just the best of who I can be. And this, is only the beginning.
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