What would you like to hear from a sixteen year old girl? Would you like to hear about her boy problems? Would you like to hear about her clothing styling? Would you like to hear about her social life and dramas in her life?
These are just some things we think of when we hear the word "sixteen year old girl". Girls at that age are defining their self; they are searching for a deeper understanding as to who they are. They are exploring the world; they are piecing together what real life is like, what their future might be. A girl at the age of sixteen is on the edge of deciding her fate, her destiny: she can go far and beyond and reach for the blazing star high above the sky, she can continue being the way she is, the way she has always been, she can take a misstep and start off life at the wrong foot.
Sixteen is a significant number, a special one. Maybe it does have something to do with allowing her to drive legally for the first time and giving her the freedom to go where she chooses. That driver ID, will be her identity for the next decades to come. After all, this is what identification cards are for-acknowledging one's existence, and one's identity. But that ID card is just a piece of plastic. It doesn't do justice to the person who is being identified. There is so much more in that girl than that. Getting her ID is just the first step in finding her identity, her self.
Through the freedom given to her, not only in driving, but in life, comes more choices to be made and more responsibility to carry on as a consequences. "You want to do what you like? Fine, but you gotta be responsible for whatever happens to you." Sixteen is a transition number. She has been sheltered for long, it's time for her to test out the air and expand her wings.
There are certain things one can't escape, even if one wishes to. She might not like make-up, but putting them on will make her look more professional. She might hate heels, but wearing them is the only way to hide the ugliness of her feet and make herself presentable. She might never thought she would loose her best friend in high school, but she did just like in the movies. She might never ever wanted to be in the middle of conflict between two friends because she has heard all the ugliness to that in books, but life plays a little trick and she is it. She might never wanted to be that mean girl who bossed everyone around, but she is just doing her job and what she thought is right. She might never thought she would fall in love because those are stuff from fairy tales and because the betrayals shown on TV break her heart, but fate smiled upon her path and she met a boy.
She didn't wish for any of this, but as life has it, this is her life. No one wants to be a stereotype, but unconsciously and out of will, one falls into the pithole. There are certain things we must all experience in life in order to understand other human beings. Being a sixteen year old girl is just the beginning of the great journey of defining one's self. Don't judge, your time will come when you will understand.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Living on Busy Avenue
Woah! First few week of school and already so much is happening! I can barely grab a hold of my life.
Went to my very first Speech & Debate tournament this Saturday. It was a very interesting experience and good practice for my speaking skill. Fun time but also meaning wasted half of my weekend.
History outline don't stop, do they? One after another, trying to suck in every little bit of energy left in me. I am still not adopted to having outline due on Tuesday...why not Friday??! Life would be lot easier!
AP Physic...I have no word for you...I don't know why I didn't put you first on my list to study, I don't worry about the science that much...either because I have lot of other stuff to worry about or because the teacher is not making me care. I felt like not learning much in class, but requires my own time outside class to study which I have none to offer. I didn't even study for the unit test, which is unlike me! I became a procrastinator! I am so lucky I still have an A in the class.
Math...Such simple concepts of algebra, and I failed...I prided myself of my math skills and my logical senses, but this chapter P (P=preview) defeated me...I got the only 2nd B on my math test. Need to dig deep and understand the concepts.
English, PE, Chinese...I will might still live...if not for the club I am trying to start!!! Why did I brought this upon me??! So much stress, effort, work on my side and created nothing! NOTHING but CONFLICT! Because my lack of experience in leadership, I made mistakes one after another, making matter bad to worse. I gotta need to work on it...I felt so helplessly founding and running the club, while others have no problem at all. WhYYYY?!
If all these are not enough, I still brought a student member application for state board of education...Who am I to kidding that I will make it to the final round? WHO? Why? So much effort and thinking and help I am needing and the time I can't afford. I worry those just as much as my club which I should place behind my academic life!
I still have other stuff and goals I want to reach: tennis practice, be more proficient in coding, study the SAT, start my science research, read books, watch news, reorganize my room, and the list goes on and on...
Since I have chosen the Busy Avenue to ride on, then I will try my best to make the experience enjoyable. I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, close and reopen my eyes, and march it forward with all the passion, energy, and optimism I can master to breath, to live, to achieve~
Went to my very first Speech & Debate tournament this Saturday. It was a very interesting experience and good practice for my speaking skill. Fun time but also meaning wasted half of my weekend.
History outline don't stop, do they? One after another, trying to suck in every little bit of energy left in me. I am still not adopted to having outline due on Tuesday...why not Friday??! Life would be lot easier!
AP Physic...I have no word for you...I don't know why I didn't put you first on my list to study, I don't worry about the science that much...either because I have lot of other stuff to worry about or because the teacher is not making me care. I felt like not learning much in class, but requires my own time outside class to study which I have none to offer. I didn't even study for the unit test, which is unlike me! I became a procrastinator! I am so lucky I still have an A in the class.
Math...Such simple concepts of algebra, and I failed...I prided myself of my math skills and my logical senses, but this chapter P (P=preview) defeated me...I got the only 2nd B on my math test. Need to dig deep and understand the concepts.
English, PE, Chinese...I will might still live...if not for the club I am trying to start!!! Why did I brought this upon me??! So much stress, effort, work on my side and created nothing! NOTHING but CONFLICT! Because my lack of experience in leadership, I made mistakes one after another, making matter bad to worse. I gotta need to work on it...I felt so helplessly founding and running the club, while others have no problem at all. WhYYYY?!
If all these are not enough, I still brought a student member application for state board of education...Who am I to kidding that I will make it to the final round? WHO? Why? So much effort and thinking and help I am needing and the time I can't afford. I worry those just as much as my club which I should place behind my academic life!
I still have other stuff and goals I want to reach: tennis practice, be more proficient in coding, study the SAT, start my science research, read books, watch news, reorganize my room, and the list goes on and on...
Since I have chosen the Busy Avenue to ride on, then I will try my best to make the experience enjoyable. I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, close and reopen my eyes, and march it forward with all the passion, energy, and optimism I can master to breath, to live, to achieve~
Saturday, September 7, 2013
This is Only the Beginning
It was a long four days for me, the first week of school.
I guess my mind was not ready to move on from last school year and the summer. Sophomore year was challenging but I have expected it when I signed up for the classes. Junior year is overwhelming, I have lost myself in my confidence, pride, and ego.
Perhaps it is true junior year is the hardest, most important year of high school...I can feel this is my chance to shine or to rot...the ultimately choice is mine...
I have not foreseen the burden of responsibility I have signed up for, let it be vice president position I signed up for, let it be my own club I want to create, let it be the three AP classes...
Perhaps it is finding someone better than me, someone who I want to become, someone who is the better version of myself in my classes that defeated me. I know there are millions of other people smarter than me, but they all have different backgrounds and I respect their achievements. But this new girl, this new transfer student, have almost the exact same background as me, she is like another me, but better.
I felt beaten, I can see my failures through her and I am being reminded of them constantly by her presence. Her achievements, intelligence, diligence, friendliness, and boldness are what I could have, if I had only worked harder and not be afraid of speaking in class and make a fool out of myself. It is like living with the dream version of myself in reality...I am jealous of her qualities and mad at myself for not being her, for not pushing myself to go the extra miles in the past.
I always want to be the best. My math and science teachers from middle school like me. Freshmen year, my biology teacher wrote in my yearbook, that I am one of the best students she ever had. I thought it would my math teacher who could have said that, but no, it was the strictest teacher I had. Last year, I tried hard to make my chemistry teacher like me. He did, but I wasn't the best. I know it, but still, I was disappointed. It turned out it was my history teacher who said I was his best student of the year. Again, it was a pleasant and moving surprise.
Teachers liked me because they saw me as the smart yet hardworking student. This year I hope my teachers will like me, especially I need their recommendations for college application next year. I want to be someone's best student again. I am still stuck in the momentum of me being the best. I need to start fresh again and try not to impress anyone. Let teachers see me as me. I don't need to be the best from my junior class. There are already two teachers who believe in me. And that is more than I can ask for.
Don't be jealous of others. Just be the best version of myself. There will always be someone better and smarter than me like the transfer student, but there will always be someone who can see that I tried my best too like my previous teachers.
Junior year, I don't need my current history, physic, math, and English teachers to think that I am the best of the class. I am not. I am just the best of who I can be. And this, is only the beginning.
I guess my mind was not ready to move on from last school year and the summer. Sophomore year was challenging but I have expected it when I signed up for the classes. Junior year is overwhelming, I have lost myself in my confidence, pride, and ego.
Perhaps it is true junior year is the hardest, most important year of high school...I can feel this is my chance to shine or to rot...the ultimately choice is mine...
I have not foreseen the burden of responsibility I have signed up for, let it be vice president position I signed up for, let it be my own club I want to create, let it be the three AP classes...
Perhaps it is finding someone better than me, someone who I want to become, someone who is the better version of myself in my classes that defeated me. I know there are millions of other people smarter than me, but they all have different backgrounds and I respect their achievements. But this new girl, this new transfer student, have almost the exact same background as me, she is like another me, but better.
I felt beaten, I can see my failures through her and I am being reminded of them constantly by her presence. Her achievements, intelligence, diligence, friendliness, and boldness are what I could have, if I had only worked harder and not be afraid of speaking in class and make a fool out of myself. It is like living with the dream version of myself in reality...I am jealous of her qualities and mad at myself for not being her, for not pushing myself to go the extra miles in the past.
I always want to be the best. My math and science teachers from middle school like me. Freshmen year, my biology teacher wrote in my yearbook, that I am one of the best students she ever had. I thought it would my math teacher who could have said that, but no, it was the strictest teacher I had. Last year, I tried hard to make my chemistry teacher like me. He did, but I wasn't the best. I know it, but still, I was disappointed. It turned out it was my history teacher who said I was his best student of the year. Again, it was a pleasant and moving surprise.
Teachers liked me because they saw me as the smart yet hardworking student. This year I hope my teachers will like me, especially I need their recommendations for college application next year. I want to be someone's best student again. I am still stuck in the momentum of me being the best. I need to start fresh again and try not to impress anyone. Let teachers see me as me. I don't need to be the best from my junior class. There are already two teachers who believe in me. And that is more than I can ask for.
Don't be jealous of others. Just be the best version of myself. There will always be someone better and smarter than me like the transfer student, but there will always be someone who can see that I tried my best too like my previous teachers.
Junior year, I don't need my current history, physic, math, and English teachers to think that I am the best of the class. I am not. I am just the best of who I can be. And this, is only the beginning.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I declare I am "Socially Awkward"
Why?! Even if it is family friend who I haven't seen in couple years, I still feel so stiff and awkward when I am around them! I feel terrible and they have the utmost good intention too. I learned amazing things from other people but I never know how to reply to them or acknowledged their accomplishments. I want to thank them for sharing their experience with me, but I don't know how. (this will be a good thing to search up on Google.)
I want to talk to the person next to me at tennis practice, but I have no idea what to ask or start the talk! I want to talk, I want to know the person better, but I don't know how! I love to talk and get into discussion but it is so hard just to find the right topic to dive in. I generally distance myself from people who I kinda know but not really because it is awkward to talk to them and have a dead conversations. Why am I not warm and out-going like other people, who always know how to start a conversation and let it flow instead of nervous laughs and awkward silence? I never seem to know to choose a topic or introduce it to a conversation without sounding too weird or out of place. I never have the witty and smart and funny replies that get people a good laugh out of it nor smooth an awkward act into something funny.
Perhaps this is why I like instant messaging/chatting-it allows me time to think and reflect to come up with the most intelligent and funny response I can come up. It is almost like I am becoming a different person who has an amazing public appearance. That's why I am addicted to social media. That's why I hide behind the computer screen.
The worst fear I faced everyday at school and with other people is not fitting in and belong no where. No friends to go to during lunch or meet up after school. I fear silence and what other people think of me. But the funny thing is, I shouldn't care what other thinks because their opinions don't matter in my existence, yet I do and I don't care as much opinions of those who matters. Time to switch thinking here, girl!
But really, I don't have much to loose. What else can I lose after I lost my best friend who I console and trust in. The past doesn't matter I must remember that. Don't try to fit in! That's the worst thing you can do in high school. Be that weird girl who can't talk and not embarrass herself to save her life! I have no reputation built, I have no reputation that people care, I have no reputation to lose. Count how many conversation will turn dead tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. ]
The more I got, the more I tried, the more I gained. Go live freely! Be bold, be embarrassed, be ready to burn my cheek to red! :P
I want to talk to the person next to me at tennis practice, but I have no idea what to ask or start the talk! I want to talk, I want to know the person better, but I don't know how! I love to talk and get into discussion but it is so hard just to find the right topic to dive in. I generally distance myself from people who I kinda know but not really because it is awkward to talk to them and have a dead conversations. Why am I not warm and out-going like other people, who always know how to start a conversation and let it flow instead of nervous laughs and awkward silence? I never seem to know to choose a topic or introduce it to a conversation without sounding too weird or out of place. I never have the witty and smart and funny replies that get people a good laugh out of it nor smooth an awkward act into something funny.
Perhaps this is why I like instant messaging/chatting-it allows me time to think and reflect to come up with the most intelligent and funny response I can come up. It is almost like I am becoming a different person who has an amazing public appearance. That's why I am addicted to social media. That's why I hide behind the computer screen.
The worst fear I faced everyday at school and with other people is not fitting in and belong no where. No friends to go to during lunch or meet up after school. I fear silence and what other people think of me. But the funny thing is, I shouldn't care what other thinks because their opinions don't matter in my existence, yet I do and I don't care as much opinions of those who matters. Time to switch thinking here, girl!
But really, I don't have much to loose. What else can I lose after I lost my best friend who I console and trust in. The past doesn't matter I must remember that. Don't try to fit in! That's the worst thing you can do in high school. Be that weird girl who can't talk and not embarrass herself to save her life! I have no reputation built, I have no reputation that people care, I have no reputation to lose. Count how many conversation will turn dead tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. ]
The more I got, the more I tried, the more I gained. Go live freely! Be bold, be embarrassed, be ready to burn my cheek to red! :P
Monday, August 12, 2013
I am desperate or am I?
I read a really popular blog the other day and I am going to do what the blogger said about making a successful blog. First thing you need, is dedication to post something at a certain period which is like life itself. The one thing I kept failing is being committed and sticking to a plan and a goal. I posted I was going to stick to the schedule, but I haven't kept my promise. I said I was going to workout and study vocabulary each day, instead I laid back on the sofa every evening and watch meaningless TV shows that seem to provide relaxation for the brain so how. I don't like sticking with just one friend because I never know what the other people has to offer and when that friend will turn their backs on me. I never sleep early anymore, early I meant before 10:30pm, not because of homework but because I need to do something that will make me feel good about myself and makes me forget about my troubles. From watching movies deep into the night to chatting with friends at 12:00am, I am unable to stop myself from being addicted to this lifestyle which I know is horrible and unhealthy. It's like alcohol or drug, I guess. The sense of addictions for companionship, let it be mine or fictional.
I am not the laziest person around at school, but beside school work, I lost my curiosity to explore other subjects and persistence to keep exploring and not just stop at the first page of the guide book. People say when you are desperate enough, you will do what you need to do and put in 110% effort into everything that matter to you. Am I desperate? Am I passionate about anything? I am interested in many fields of study and life, but on my free time, I never seem to manage get my brain to look away from the computer or TV screen and actually go search up online and read some science research paper. I may have the smartest brain, but I would never succeed like Thomas Edison, simply because I lack the determination to reach my goals.
Goals they are so far away and abstract, that I never seem to be able to reach them. Even when they are being visualized and carried out one day, they disappear into the smoke on another. By the 2 or 3 or even 4 in the morning, the movie is finished. As I watch the end credit and shutting down my computer, I regret and blame myself for staying up AGAIN and think to myself how I will plan tomorrow's evening and I will sleep by 10:00pm. As tomorrow comes and goes, it just became another today where inaction and pleasure of not thinking take over my brain. Maybe I will start something small, I will start posting on this blog once a week and whenever else I feel the need to express myself. It doesn't matter the length for now, I just need to get in the habit of doing it and follow out my plan. My bedtime, workout, vocabulary, and many other stuff in life will come into the play as this blog is posted at least once a week, no matter how short it looks, no matter how meaningless it seems.
I am not the laziest person around at school, but beside school work, I lost my curiosity to explore other subjects and persistence to keep exploring and not just stop at the first page of the guide book. People say when you are desperate enough, you will do what you need to do and put in 110% effort into everything that matter to you. Am I desperate? Am I passionate about anything? I am interested in many fields of study and life, but on my free time, I never seem to manage get my brain to look away from the computer or TV screen and actually go search up online and read some science research paper. I may have the smartest brain, but I would never succeed like Thomas Edison, simply because I lack the determination to reach my goals.
Goals they are so far away and abstract, that I never seem to be able to reach them. Even when they are being visualized and carried out one day, they disappear into the smoke on another. By the 2 or 3 or even 4 in the morning, the movie is finished. As I watch the end credit and shutting down my computer, I regret and blame myself for staying up AGAIN and think to myself how I will plan tomorrow's evening and I will sleep by 10:00pm. As tomorrow comes and goes, it just became another today where inaction and pleasure of not thinking take over my brain. Maybe I will start something small, I will start posting on this blog once a week and whenever else I feel the need to express myself. It doesn't matter the length for now, I just need to get in the habit of doing it and follow out my plan. My bedtime, workout, vocabulary, and many other stuff in life will come into the play as this blog is posted at least once a week, no matter how short it looks, no matter how meaningless it seems.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
New Month, New Goals!
JULY
Well, well, well...A month of summer already quickly passed by, not much have been done on my part. I have Girls Who Code summer program Monday to Friday and a U. S. history seminar on Vietnam War on every Saturday morning for 2 hours. I have homework from the history seminar and for school. They will take up some time to get it finish. I need to really prepare for the SAT that's coming up this year cause that will be my ticket to my dream college. And don't forget to keep my cholesterol level at bay!
So tomorrow will be a new day, a new week, and a new month!!
What will tomorrow be?
Here's my plan and I am posting here online to let the world be my witness and my encouragement.
Daily schedule to follow:
6:30-wake up early to welcome the sunshine~
6:40-work out. time to burn off the buffet I eat everyday!!
7:30-shower. time to wash off those sweats
7:50-breakfast. time to start off the day~
squeeze in a vocabulary lesson~
8:00-leave house, on the highway. listen to some music & vocab, enjoy~
8:45-arrive at UCDavis. check email. get ready for the day
12:00-lunch. eating at the dining hall~~
5:00-get pick up. nap time~
6:00-get home. eat
8:00-homework, entertainment time~~
10:30-bedtime!
Things need to be done daily:
-read 30 minutes
-study 45 minutes for each vocab lesson! at least 10 words each day!
-review previous vocab lessons
-work out 30 minutes!
-limit lunch size!
-limit computer/tv time when at home to 30 minutes.
-summarize what I learn
-chat and laugh with other human beings in person!
So, this is my plan that I need to stick with for the next 60 days! This will be a good time to test my persistence and determination! I will report weekly of my progress, so I got pressure to do my best!
World be my witness, be my support!!!
JUST DO IT~
Well, well, well...A month of summer already quickly passed by, not much have been done on my part. I have Girls Who Code summer program Monday to Friday and a U. S. history seminar on Vietnam War on every Saturday morning for 2 hours. I have homework from the history seminar and for school. They will take up some time to get it finish. I need to really prepare for the SAT that's coming up this year cause that will be my ticket to my dream college. And don't forget to keep my cholesterol level at bay!
So tomorrow will be a new day, a new week, and a new month!!
What will tomorrow be?
Here's my plan and I am posting here online to let the world be my witness and my encouragement.
Daily schedule to follow:
6:30-wake up early to welcome the sunshine~
6:40-work out. time to burn off the buffet I eat everyday!!
7:30-shower. time to wash off those sweats
7:50-breakfast. time to start off the day~
squeeze in a vocabulary lesson~
8:00-leave house, on the highway. listen to some music & vocab, enjoy~
8:45-arrive at UCDavis. check email. get ready for the day
12:00-lunch. eating at the dining hall~~
5:00-get pick up. nap time~
6:00-get home. eat
8:00-homework, entertainment time~~
10:30-bedtime!
Things need to be done daily:
-read 30 minutes
-study 45 minutes for each vocab lesson! at least 10 words each day!
-review previous vocab lessons
-work out 30 minutes!
-limit lunch size!
-limit computer/tv time when at home to 30 minutes.
-summarize what I learn
-chat and laugh with other human beings in person!
So, this is my plan that I need to stick with for the next 60 days! This will be a good time to test my persistence and determination! I will report weekly of my progress, so I got pressure to do my best!
World be my witness, be my support!!!
JUST DO IT~
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Problems can't be avoided
I am fat, lazy, and have no motivation to thrive.
Sound like the summer you? Unfortunately, that's me over very summer.
Study Hard,
Get Fit,
Be Happy,
Dream Big~
I sit all day and works like 10 minutes a day and believe in the miracle that i will get skinny tomorrow. Stop lying to yourself girl!! Get on to your exercise and stop sitting on your butt all day long!!
I know it's summer but it doesn't mean I should just glue myself with the computer screen, hoping for someone to talk to, something to kill time while waiting for people to be available online. Find something purposeful! Do your summer homework!!
No motivation? Find some! Summer is all about free time and what you can do with them. Start on the project you always dreamed to during the school year. Begin on the SAT studying that you will cry in October if you didn't. Above all, explore and follow your passion!! Next time, you have nothing to do? Go finish reading the book you never finished. Stop watching meaningless drama online and on TV. Bake something and spend sometime with family!
Summer is such a unique period. Every year I usually wasted my summer and when school started, I can't think of why I did nothing meaningful over the summer. This year, I am determined to follow through my new year's resolution-to try something new in every aspect of life. I will not procrastinate my summer homework nor push away horrible vocabulary studying. I will not waste my whole summer vacation on TV, I am going to use this summer to follow my dreams and get fit for once!
Study Hard,
Get Fit,
Be Happy,
Dream Big~
Ultimately, I am striving for a new fresh better self!
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